Indecisiveness and Porn

Right now my nipples are ridiculously tight and I'm horny as hell. Unfortunately, I have no way to let off some steam as I have already masturbated to the point of pain today.

I have been in contact with P. again despite the fact I told myself I should drop him like a hot potato. I guess I don't know what I'm going to do. Though I'll probably continue to string him along for a bit before I let him know for sure that I do not want to have sex with him. He still doesn't know I'm a virgin and I'm reluctant to tell him because with all of my constant teasing I act like a huge tart. But, really, it's all a bunch of hot air.

I've been watching a lot of porn lately. The videos that seem to really get my juices flowing all star this one older man having sex with 18 to 25 year old women. I don't find the man attractive, but I find the way he treats the women enticing and wish that I could have someone treat me like that. Too bad I'm too dysfunctional to be so outgoing as to go for a casting call. Needless to say, I do not have the body for it and probably never will since I haven't been able to lose weight in over four months.

I wish I had a way to let off his extra hormonal energy. Too bad I rubbed myself raw earlier otherwise I would go for that. If anyone has any suggestions, I am open to them.

I watch what I watch, and I am not ashamed

I watch a lot of porn. As a general rule I only watch it when my bedroom door is shut and I have a blanket covering me so I can let my hands trail over my breasts and in between my legs. However, lately I have become more bold and have begun to leave the door open a crack when I either read erotica or watch the different porn Web sites I have found.

This post is more about to what type of porn I watch and the type of erotica I read. I watch porn that includes an older man with a young girl, generally in her teens. And I have a thing for watching creampies, though I have never had one they fascinate me. I read erotica with the theme of an older fatherly/grandfatherly/teacher figure taking advantage of young girls, as well.

It's a common theme for me. I guess the thought of being with an older man has always fascinated me and having him give me a creampie would be a bonus. And watching the videos and reading about it turns me on more than anything. And I'm wet just thinking about it.

The older man I have been in contact with texted me today and asked for me to send him more pictures to tide him over until we're able to meet in person. I have two of his cock—one is just of him hard and the other shows his cock right after he came. I specifically asked for the second one. And I masturbate to both pictures frequently.

I have been debating whether or not I want him to bring a camera to our meeting so he can take pictures of his condom-clad cock entering my pussy or my lips wrapped around his cock while I fellate him. Not that any of that matters until I decide when I am actually going to meet with him.