No Meeting, Yet(?)

So I have not yet been to visit P. Our date for Tuesday had to be cancelled because of various real life happenings. Surprisingly enough, I'm not disappointed that our meeting was cancelled. I think this is because I feel as if I am in over my head. I want to have sex, but I am unsure if I am ready. So instead, I spend the day with my fingers in my pussy and watching other girls get fucked and as they suck cocks.

I had some interesting conversations at work yesterday about sex, homosexuality, and why the male and female genitalia is so gross. My friend said she decided at a young age that she was a lesbian because she finds penises to be gross. She doesn't like the way they squirt. It squicks her. My other friend said that sex in general is actually pretty gross when you think about, though during the act itself she has a lot of fun. She said that the sweat and the mixing of fluids is disgusting and incredibly dirty. And that while it may seem fun at the time, you really should shower and not think about what you just did afterward.

I guess, in the end, that I am nervous about meeting P. I guess that I really don't want to meet him, and I've just been this horrendous cock tease.