Not gonna meet, not gonna lose virginity

I think I am going to figure out a way to tell P. that I am no longer interested in meeting him in person. I can live with being a virgin until I meet someone else. I just feel wrong and squicked when I think of meeting him in person.

I have been making excuses and leading him on for too long now. I'm more content masturbating than I am with the thought of meeting P. in person. I just don't know what to say. My excuses have been lame and unoriginal.

Who knows, maybe I'll be like that Boyle lady and be a 40 y.o virgin. I have at least kissed three men. And when I say men, I mean it. They were all at least 50 years old, if not older. I'm so gross.